Day 1

There have been far more day one’s than I wish to admit. I didn’t drink enough water today. It is just really hard at work to guzzle water. I maybe drank 48 ounces and probably the same of watered down diet coke.

They are going to eliminate about 6 positions from my office (all of cardiology) by the end of the week in an effort to cut costs as tightly as they can due to Covid losses. I don’t see how 6 more positions need to be eliminated, really rebalanced. I don’t think I will be one of them but the anxiety is there. I have considered that I don’t room for Dr. A. I am argumentative at times and have told my boss how I feel more than once, my dang attitude. I am not a kiss up. I am not the fastest at everything I do. The other thoughts I have are just me beating up on myself. I worry that I told my boss that I am going to have knee replacements. I really wanted to keep building on my retirement there but honestly, the morale has really sunk. I wonder if my mental health can handle 7 more years of it. I love the patients and my coworkers but upper management just beats us down. I am just going to pray that God will watch out for me and I will try to trust the process.

Chandler’s cousin that is about to be a Senior in High School was badly hurt in an accident along with three other teens. While the other teens have basically been ruled okay, Sarah was pinned in the car with a lack of blood flow to her legs for an hour before someone with cell service in the canyon they crashed in was able to get help to them. Sarah’s back was broken leaving her a paraplegic. Her legs have been amputated to the top of her thighs. It has been 11 days since the crash and she has had eleven surgeries. Yesterday they announced she has sepsis so they are fighting that. My heart has been with that family. I wish with all my heart that Sarah can overcome all this and stay with her family.

I started the program this morning at 198, which is a little up from the 196 I had been at. It is just due to eating poorly in Texas. I expect to go back to that pretty quickly. My heart just hurts with all the stress but I am committed still. Day 1 in the books. I will try to write a little everyday as I travel this Medifast journey.

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