60 days to change

I should be sleeping but I feel like if I don’t write down some of this life experience I am going through, it won’t be known. I have been off work for five days and it has been glorious. I am so much happier when I don’t work and if I had tomorrow and tomorrow and the next, I would have this whole house whipped into shape. I am a great homemaker, but employee, not so much. I hate feeling controlled by a job.

I found out tonight that one of my youngest twins, Kayla is expecting Grandchild number 12. This will probably be our last. I am thrilled and really will be excited for a boy or girl. The baby will come in April and by then we should be settled in to a more calm existence after Hannah and Chandler’s late December wedding. They will be living here for a couple of years until Chandler can finish school and hopefully find employment as a Seminary teacher. I’ve heard that it’s a hard field with only so many positions available but time will provide for them I feel certain.

I have been consumed planning the wedding. I hope it will be what Hannah loves and that I am not running her over. It is going to be Bohemian with lots of greenery, white flowers and copper, purple and navy as the colors. It seems to be coming together with her friends and connections and my past planning experience. I hope it will be beautiful for them. Hannah and Chandler have a lot of people that love them and are thrilled for them.

It is 60 days and I have made it down from 206 to about 195 but want to get serious now with the Medifast until the wedding and get 40 off. It can be done and I have bought a size 10 grooms dinner and reception dress that are not going to fit if I don’t do this. Not only that but I will be disgusted at the photos so I am going to pray and give it all I have. If I do this it would put me 30 pounds away from goal which is so great. I just have never had this much weight to lose. It has made me realize how difficult it is for those that climb into obesity to get back out. I feel really bad I have been so judgmental at times.

I have been paying tithing for a couple months now but am still struggling to get to meetings. I went a couple weeks ago and got introduced to Michelle Bills. She is Doug Bill’s wife. He is the wonderful ward member that basically put our sprinkler system in (a really nice guy). I feel like they are going to give me a lot of strength as I get back active in attending meetings. I also spoke to President Ron Hamblin, our old Stake President and friend. He will be marrying Hannah and Chandler since he is now a Sealer and that is awesome. I hope the Bishop will feel good about giving me a recommend, but I know I need to step it up and be at all my meetings.

I am worried that my mental state is still not great and how difficult it will be to make sure Hannah and Chandler’s needs are being met with there living here. I am nervous about how they are going to manage as husband and wife, meeting each other’s physical and emotional needs. As this all started when they were first engaged and I felt myself worrying, I felt Heavenly Father telling me to just go one step at a time and that things would get figured or work themselves out. We will all have to work together to learn and work out ways that Hannah and Chandler can move towards self reliance. I just need to try to not get anxious about it. I am happy that they have found each other and know Heavenly Father will bring their loved ones and their village around them so that their prayers might be answered and they can live happy lives. I feel the spirit as I write this. I know Heavenly Father is aware of them and loves them and is cheering them on.