Big news

Even when I wrote my last post, I don’t think I would have believed if someone told me that I would know now that Hannah will be getting married. I am nervous but so happy for her. It was obvious watching she and Chandler tonight that it is the real thing. He may be naive and not realize what it will take making sure Hannah’s physical needs are met, but I don’t think it would scare him away regardless. They have been dating about three months now and are unofficially engaged. They want to get married the end of December but this has Sharilyn and Kayla all worked up about whether they would be able to be there then. They want them to push it a year out. This got Hannah upset and honestly though I realize how much they want to be there, I get that Chandler and Hannah want to be together as soon as possible too. It will all work out but I am sure no one is going to be 100% happy.

I restarted Medifast August 2nd, I believe and today took measurements and am happy that I have lost 7 pounds and I believe about the same in inches. Measurements were….

Neck – 14.5

Chest – 45.5

L arm – 14.5 R arm – 13.25

Waist – 43.25

Hips – 46.75

L thigh – 23.5 R thigh – 23

L calf – 14.5 R calf – 14

L ankle – 8 R ankle – 8

I am pretty pleased but this last couple of days as I could start to see and feel the results, I started to get more “cheatey”. If that isn’t a word, it is now. I am trying to understand if that is a self sabotaging move or if I already start feeling bored with the plan. It does not matter. I have to keep giving myself positive talk that won’t quit, I don’t want to be so unhappy in my own skin. I don’t want to feel so physically bad. I want to get the weight off and be able to determine if I need knee replacements yet or whether I can buy more time. I want to get my physical activity back up. I want to look really nice in a dress at Hannah’s wedding. I want my energy back.

I was so tired this weekend. It seems when I push myself hard when I have good days, I just pay for it.

Baggage

There was nothing about today that should have brought on the breakdown I just finished having. A lot of stupid little things and it felt like I would not survive. Absolutely falling apart, fifty eight and still a mess. I said a good long prayer and had a good cry. I thought I should put my feelings down but it’s hard because I don’t want to explain all the overpacked baggage. I have the cute bag and I sit on it and though I got it latched and zipped, it is so over the weight limit. No one is going to accept this bag at check in. They’ll say “mam, this is way too overpacked. We can’t accept this.”

This is where I had to take a break……… a few days later I got sick with strep throat.

Kayla was here for a month with Olivia and Romney. I wanted it to be so perfect, for me to be so perfect, but realistically when I was already struggling physically and emotionally and I had to continue working all but one week of the visit, it was hard. Kayla was so helpful and made us food, shopped and cleaned. Our car situation allowed me to let her have the Subaru during her stay which alleviated stress for us too because she had choices of how to keep them entertained. I need to call her. She left last Wednesday.

Thursday it was hard to get up. I got to work and felt achy and somewhat disoriented at times. I kept thinking there is just today and tomorrow and then it will be the weekend and you can have a break. Quickly, my instincts were telling me to run to the Dr. at lunch. Memories were coming back of cases of strep throat I had in High school.. I went for a walk-in visit at Skyline and sure enough, strep test positive and white blood cell count of 19 means good and sick. I got a note from the Dr for work, went to the pharmacy. I left work at noon and think I was in bed at 1:36. I went back and forth from waking, to take care of my basic needs, and sleeping for one and a half days. Today I feel better but still worn out. Nicole had it while Kayla was here and I sat by her at Tona but I didn’t and don’t think she was communicable by then but she got it and apparently it was out there.

The disappointing part was that I was on day 4 of Medifast. That morning I thought the headache and fatigue were my body trying to transition to ketosis and that Friday I would be sailing. I sunk and in between sleeping ate cold, dry lucky charms and Icecream. Rik went and got me a filet of fish and fries from McD’s night one and this morning a sausage McMuffin but it’s probably not a time to diet so I am right now back on plan and maybe Monday can show a few pounds.

I don’t think my body knew it was getting sick but I was tired and sometimes the best times can be times that trigger not so great memories. I think I was an okay Mother that was blessed with great daughters. They aren’t perfect but life is just hard. Satan doesn’t want us to have close family ties. He despises us showing each other encouragement. I know I have real power as a Mother to strengthen my family as my Mother did but if I am not giving myself help to make me strong, I can’t succeed.