Close to 60

If that was sixty pounds, I would be oh so close to goal but alas today I am dwelling on age. My body is suffering from all that I have subjected it to and today’s weight is 205 pounds. What scares me is that the first time the digital number of 200 came up, my heart flew to my throat but this morning when I climbed on I knew it would be over 200 and was just gauging how bad the damage was for my millionth start to true happiness and weight loss (that’s a joke). I remember once when I was going to counseling, the therapist stated that our happiness shouldn’t be based on having money but realizes it sure does help. For me happiness seems more achievable when I am at my ideal weight.

    • Neck ~ 14”
      Chest ~ 46.5
      L Arm ~ 14.5
      R Arm ~ 14
      Waist ~ 44”.
      Hips ~ 48”
      L Thigh ~ 23.5”
      R Thigh ~ 23.5”
      L Calve ~ 15”
      R Calve ~ 14.5”
      L Ankle ~ 8”
      R Ankle ~ 8”
  • I have kept little by little obtaining Medifast (Optavia) and I don’t believe using it as much as what I’ve purchased so I would guess I maybe have 4 months of stock.

    I feel like the use of my Cymbalta medication has added to my weight gain. Ever since my Mother passed away and I had such a lack of emotion, I started really wondering if my emotional state was a positive or negative consequence of medication. I feel through prayer I realized that I needed to make changes. I don’t even remember how but on Facebook I found a support group for getting off of Cymbalta. They have put together a lot of information documenting it’s toxicity. I seemed to meet the criteria for it’s no longer benefitting as much as deterring my health. I started in May the slow process of weening off. I am actually going at the fastest rate they allow per their protocol, of 10% drops. There have definitely been side effects such as hives, areas of intense itching, body aches and emotional jags, anxiety just to name what I have for sure been aware of. It is scary as I have taken this medication at least ten years and I know there was a period of time it was so beneficial but for whatever reason, that changed. Reports from users have shown over and over that long time users have steadily gained weight with it’s use. I am hopeful through this discontinuation that I will have an easier time losing weight and get out of this emotionless stupor I have been in for so long. I am scared of the return of pain and depression but hopeful as I lose weight, get outside walking more and gain back some of my physical conditioning that I can be better than now. I want to lose 80 pounds and when I think of all the stress and damage that is putting on my body and mental wellness, this is my WHY………

    My daughter Kayla and her children Olivia and Romney are visiting for a month (July) and I have been reaping so many benefits from it. I already enjoy the closest emotional relationship with her. She is such an encouragement to me. She had been cooking, helping with cleaning and even encouraged me to go to church last Sunday. It has made me stay out of bed more and be more productive. My two eldest daughters are pretty close to one another and don’t seem to need or want me in their lives as much. My second, Nicole is guarded against me and is very comfortable with her oldest sister (I am grateful for this). It is my fault that I am not as close to my third, Sharilyn. It isn’t one bit fair of me either. I have always run on such an emotional, anxiety filled, faith searching (and absolutely needing that) circuit, I think I have PTSD. I am constantly questioning and so unsure of my own actions and feelings that I think I will not stand strong if I don’t be careful about building strong emotional ties with those that may not be on that never reaching (perfection grabbing) pedestal that Satan keeps placing before me. Sharilyn is a beautiful person and has always been there for me and I know I need her. I adore her and in many ways she is far past the person I am. I really need to work on this relationship with her. Hannah is Kayla’s twin and has Cerebral Palsy and I think I am always afraid of failing with her or maybe losing her so I hold back. She is beautiful, kind and faith filled. She has been seeing a young man that is wonderful and also disabled with CP. I am hopeful but terrified where this relationship might lead but as far as Hannah, God has always made things alright.

    I am wanting so much to live in a house with my husband, alone and build our relationship, have more time to work on the house remodeling, focus and attain weight loss, build my body back to it’s healthier shape and grow a closer relationship to my Father in Heaven and Savior and follow inspiration to be a better, kinder person. It feels so overwhelming like there’s this missing real me out there in the world’s haystack.

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