A Sad Place

I have really had some scary sad times lately filled with self loathing.  I have had some rough times at work that have added fuel to the fire.  One of our Drs since day one of coming to our practice has been rough on me.  Whenever I have done something wrong like missing a medication, if I try to apologize he just cuts me off.  I once said “I am not perfect” and he told me he needed me to be.  I feel completely intimidated and worthless around him and he has gone so far now as to refuse to let me even take a phone call which is totally ridiculous.  He is a jerk and I feel discriminates against my age, my strong personality especially as a woman and he just thinks I am stupid.  I am feeling pretty stupid all on my own.  In one moment I feel it’s amazing that at 48 I went to school and got my Medical assisting certification and feel God got me here and the next I feel completely too old, out of my element and think I should get out and hide at home.  That is what I do most of the time Is hide within my walls at home.  I feel I have done a pretty thorough job of wiping myself out of existence.  I have never felt so unneeded on this earth but I have also walked away from the church and it has been my saving grace throughout my life.  I am feeling pretty lost.  With this and it being compounded by the fact that I am obese and in constant pain to some degree.  My left knee is shot and I need a knee replacement but I feel I must lose the weight first and strengthen my self physically before I start down that road but I don’t seem to be able to make it even one day successfully.  I still want to get my Medifast products used.  Tomorrow I will try again.  This was a recipe fro a Medifast user and I want to try it.

Hi everyone! I have a meatloaf recipe that I submitted to nutrition support. Here is what they said. Enjoy!
This is Megan again! I made a few tweaks to your original recipe to make compliant—please see below:
 
Serves 8; per serving: 1/3 protein, ¼ green serving, 3 condiments
 
2 lb lean ground beef (raw) (85% lean)
¾ cup reduced-fat parmesan cheese
2 TB Lipton Beefy Onion Soup Mix
8 oz can Hunt’s Roasted Garlic Tomato sauce
2 eggs
 
Please let us know if we can be of further assistance to you—have a great day!
I bake it @ 350 for 50-60 minutes uncovered. I must admit I have been using the entire packet of Lipton’s Beefy Onion Soup, but I will now be using half.