Going For It

Today was Day 2 ~ restart!   I felt so much better today .  Even last night I was truly feeling crummy and was praying the antibiotic would kick in and am so thankful that today I seemed to have turned a corner.  No weight loss tomorrow and I just had some grapes and cheese for my last meal.  I hope it doesn’t cost me a stall tomorrow.  It was just such a busy day at work and I came home and forced myself to clean the house tonight since illness has put me so behind so I hope I burned it off today.  I really feel committed this time.  I just have to keep going because every day I don’t accomplish this I stay stuck in this place of such unhappiness with myself.  When you have weight to lose and are determined that this is the new life you are going to live, there are a lot of emotions you have to work through.  Today I was thinking that it’s like losing a friend that you really loved and was always there for you.  How will I cope with stress without my friend?  How will I celebrate the really happy times without my friend being at my side.  Why did my friend abandon me and as much as I loved my friend I am so mad that I have to go through this.  I had really learned to lean on my friend and they always filled that emptiness inside myself.  I went to therapy for quite a few years and I would go and it was so hard to face things and do the emotional work so I would cancel appointments and avoid going until I realized I was never going to have peace and happiness and be able to grow forward until I stayed at it and did the work so I could let go of the issues that Satan was using against me.  He knows our weaknesses, where our pride is at and he wants us to be miserable like he is.  He doesn’t want us to have strong healthy minds and bodies because he knows the strength and power that gives us.  My Heavenly Father will be my friend I turn to for comfort now and I know with his help I can do this and learn new skills and talents that will bring me joy.  I have to keep going.  There will never be a better time.  It will always take sacrifice, tears, anger and a lot of soul searching and work so why not now.  This is now!

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